Have you ever noticed how “The Twelve Days of Christmas” includes swans and geese, but no ducks? There’s actually a really good reason for that, and the reason is that ducks are terrible, the undisputed foulest of waterfowl.
Whoa, you may be saying to yourself. This is Heifer International’s blog, and they SELL ducks for families in need around the world. Why would they defame this floating, feathered source of eggs and meat? While it’s true ducks have many positive things to offer to hungry families, we would be remiss if we didn’t give our supporters the truths. Here goes.
1. They are MEAN (to us).
An unscientific poll in the Heifer office indicates that 75 percent of people (OK, 3 out of the 4 people polled) have sustained duck attacks. These sharp-beaked birds hiss. They bite. You’ve been warned. Here’s a picture:
2. They lack Christmas spirit.
Don’t forget that Ebeneezer Scrooge’s animated animal incarnation is a duck. Forbes ranks Scrooge McDuck as the richest fictional character around. Sadly, Scrooge McDuck would likely have hoarded his unmatched wealth forever were it not for the terrifying bear-cat-human hybrid Pete, who shoved Scrooge McDuck into a coffin, forcing him to repent.
3. Male ducks could never, ever run for office.
Trust us on this one. Sharing the details on this family-friendly blog would not be appropriate.
Luckily, ducks have some strong redeeming qualities.